Where Do I Fit In The Larger Scheme Of Things

This is not designed to be a long blog at all. I’m here in the midst of assignment fun where I’ve got something like three assignments to get completed before Monday and that’s not straightforward at all, but by the grace of God everything is possible. In my case, it has to be really.

Today I’ve been thinking quite a bit about how the Sermon on the Mount is about the character of God being lived out. I’m sure I must have mentioned before how this whole sermon/teaching has to be taken as a whole. There is a piecemeal approach that means people miss out on so much that holds it together and the themes that run through it. For example anxiety is only a real issue and treasures on earth will bug us when our focus is away from brings us into a relationship with God in the first place. That is to say when I think my issues are more important and humility is no longer an issue then it’s no wonder I get anxious. Likewise loving my enemy is nigh on impossible when I’ve forgotten my perpetual state of mourning because of the helpless and hopeless position I find myself in without God. I haven’t even touched on the characteristic of being merciful or being pure, because these cannot be an issue until I recognise just how greatly in need of God I am.

In my current circumstances a desperate dependency on God cannot be over exaggerated. Not just in terms of the assignments and other pressing decisions, but in getting the whole life balance thing right. I am endeavouring not to be anxious about everything, but in everything by prayer and supplication and with thanksgiving making my requests known to God. I want to maintain a sane mind before God, one that remains ever connected to Him. One that recognises that without Him I am nothing and that all I do is only possible through Him.

What these events continue to do is expose my own heart to me, which is another crucial element about the teachings of Christ that cannot be overlooked especially in the craze of ‘what does it mean to me’. It is just more obvious than ever that rather than make the bible fit my world I need to fit the world that the Bible is painting and ask myself how do I fit here. How do I fit in what God wants from His children? What becomes ever more evident and all the more harder to live up to is that this is a theocentric business and God does what He does for His glory and to be a part of that is a privilege in itself. The sooner I get that in my system, the sooner I feel liberated to enjoy the part I play in God’s orchestral symphony classic.

Right. Now back to those assignments.

For His Name's Sake

Shalom

dmcd

Whilst We're On The Musical Topic

Whilst we’re on the subject of being all musical and stuff it’s worth noting I’ve finished the Eric Clapton autobiography. You know there are some autobiographies and biographies of whom the subject is rather vacuous. They really have nothing to offer except for mind-less content of how they did this and then they did that – what’s the good in that unless of course you’re up for that sort of rubbish for over 300 pages. I’m not personally. I tolerate it for the duration of some books, but it is a mostly unappealing exercise.

Thankfully Clapton’s autobiography doesn’t bore me with that kind of thing. Rather his helter-skelter joy-ride of life makes for fascinating reading. He is not in it to be a literary genius and so lets his story tell the story. Trust me it’s a fascinating story of a man who’s lived redemption having gone through the tough side to get there. It’s worth a read.

Just thought I’d let you in on that.

For His Name's Sake

Shalom

dmcd

Getting All Orchestral

I interrupt the flow of insight into what’s been going on with me lately to give another update of sorts on the teaching front. Yes you do recall some of the sessions I’ve had of date as I’ve made note about them of late. The last note I made was the one before the big date on 20^th October. It was a big date as I was scheduled to do a micro-teach – that is prepare a lesson of 20 minutes to present to my peers. It is not as straightforward as it appears and the preparation work was likewise not that easy to do either. Still do it we had to and it was done. I was very disappointed in my effort. Very disappointed indeed.

What was illuminative about the experience looking back on it was how it didn’t actually subscribe to one of the lessons I’ve learnt and continue to learn from church. You see I remember clearly being upset about how I was doing at church. Especially on things like lessons or preaching I always felt somewhat as if once I had done it then I was under scrutiny. Had I done a good job, I didn’t always feel I had. It became an issue especially when I was asked to do stuff on a regional and national level. To me at that stage if you’re really going to ‘minister’ you have to be good. I mean there’s the usual Christian cliché about being anointed, but what that is all about is being in a stream of doing what God has called you to do.

When you’re there, then it’s a matter of submitting to that and going with it and that works just as much when you’re being a mother, a student, a bank clerk or a preacher. I didn’t feel I was being ‘good’. I thought I was just trotting, just giving out stuff cos I could just give out stuff. It’s not that I had to do 72 hours of deep biblical interrogation and a further 72 hours of cultural application before wrapping it with a 72 hours session of fasting and prayer before turning up to teach/preach. It’s just about …

Well where the breakthrough came for me and the teaching thing was first to realise that it didn’t matter whether it was a national, regional, local or family thing. The audience is always an audience of one. That one the one hand relieves the pressure and can heighten it all at the same time. It heightens it because no longer am I looking to ‘impress’ a crowd. Now I’m actually looking to get something done that will be pleasing to the Creator of the universe. In His presence there is no fooling of anyone, everything is exposed and there’s nothing to hide.

That however relaxes things immensely because then we are humbled to be in the presence of one who knows everything and everything I am and can do is down to Him. He knows my capabilities and in the light of who He is I can know what I am capable of and not only that but how it’s applicable to that given time. So I am free and impassioned to give of my best for Him out of gratitude and love for all He is.

Once in that frame of mind, I’m not under any pressure to perform and likewise I’m not under any pressure to know if I’ve performed well because the heart has been true and the focus has been single as well, not only that but because it has been responsibly based I have only gone as far as I’ve been led. That’s not to say others will like it, others will get it or it will be to anyone’s great taste. The deal is that I would have pleased the audience to whom I’ve directed it because of those factors.

I was fascinated relating that to the whole orchestra metaphor where you are an instrument among other instruments privileged to be playing a beautiful symphony. You can either play yourself or be arranged to play by the orchestrator being able to play at the right time, to add your notes and rhythm to the appropriate stage of the music and when it’s all together the blend of tone, feel, emotion and timing can make the heart soar. I forgot all about that on Tuesday 20^th October. Instead I was doing a micro-teach, it was a job to be done, it was a chores to be completed and as a result I forgot my whole part in God’s great symphony of life at that point. What a pity. What a shame.

It’s for similar reasons that I now face some interesting questions now as to where I fit in that symphony, what note I am to play at this particular time. When you’re going with the flow of what’s been played by the Lord you get to enjoy others’ contribution and see how yours fits with others and appreciate just how simple and yet complex the piece can be. It’s like a song, it may sound simple but when you check the component parts and their subtle arrangements you get to see why songs are not that simple and why the part we get to play in making a song is so crucial and why paying attention to the orchestrator and learning what the place we play is so important.

Oh and just out of interest, I passed the micro-teach, but as you know it’s not always the passing that counts it’s passing well. Where the song is concerned, thankfully it’s not just putting out a boring track of pop junk, but it’s a memorable musical masterpiece made by so many but orchestrated by and for the audience of One.

For His Name's Sake

Shalom

dmcd

What Have You Got To Say For Yourself?

It was a pity, really. I didn’t plan to end it that way at all. As I’ve noted on a number of occasions I love the writing gig and particularly the rhythm of blogging. So to have it abruptly cut short with apparently no explanation was not of the plan at all. Here is an attempt to explain it which has to be as niftily put together as possible so as not to over-step the mark.

So from 17^th and 18^th. Now if I’m not very much mistaken, that was the weekend where the youth had taken over the new facility – let’s call it COG Phase 3. As a result the deal about going to the Potteries Centre was meant to be covered by Hughie and myself. OK what do I mean by the Potteries Centre being covered? Well October was Missions Month for the church and doors had been opened and favour found to be able to put up a presentation on black history with all the cultural effects and to be able to promote the community elements of COG. That was to take place in four of the five Saturdays in the month.

As it turned out I hardly spent that much time at the Potteries Centre and spent most of it staying on at Phase 2 in case anyone turned up. I was also scheduled to be seeing a bible teacher I respect highly who was popping into the city. So I curtailed what was left of the Potteries Centre gig to go up the other end of the city and really enjoy some outstanding material on conflict, which as things are developing will be ideal biblical principles to follow! They had a veggie chilli on offer during the session that was simply delicious! The following day was meant to be completely dedicated to the preparation of the micro-teach assignment that’s been taking up blog space over the last Tuesday or so. Hence me not saying much online at that time. I did blog on the DTLLS interblog … but that doesn’t count here does it. So I was meant to focus time and energy into it, but it didn’t really work out. The Monday was spent thinking about and preparing for the event on that Tuesday.

Tuesday came and went and I was thoroughly disappointed with the level of performance I gave. It was a truly disappointing work put in and made me think that enough was indeed enough. You see there had been a driving issue that I had procrastinated over for a number of weeks which was linked to an issue that’s been outstanding for a number of years. Things had finally come to a head on that Tuesday night. It was a very significant time and I procrastinated no longer. I put finger to keyboard and finally put together the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write, but let me tell you it was the most liberating letter I ever had to write. The consequences of the letter are rather wide-reaching indeed, affecting every area of my life from the most intimate to the seeming most mundane. I would understand someone thinking I’m being over-dramatic, but in actuality even now the full effects of what that letter contained are yet to be experienced.

In any case, that Tuesday night/Wednesday morning letter writing exercise was immensely releasing. So we’re on Wednesday 23^rd October and this was the day where I was able to get some semblance of settling down to the regular hum-drum busyness of life. That included going to a multi-faith event in the evening. That proved to me once and for all that multi-faith initiatives are fraught with inherent problems that cannot be wiped over by joint community projects. The event was nauseating to my spiritual antennae only in seeing different faiths evidently competing for just how good they are on values that show their ability to co-operate with each other. I was glad to be gone from there. So that was another late night and so no time for blogging.

We move onto Thursday 24^th October where there was a meeting of those in a community organisation in which I’m involved. One thing I can definitely say about the experience of working in these areas is that it’s so important to make the time and exercise the passion for such things. It’s also important to ensure these don’t become personal fiefdoms where however the systems are set up they are still heavily dependent on an individual being the key to all information. That’s not always possible, but the level of energy required to keep it accountable is substantial – especially for a voluntary organisation. If there is no infrastructure for that to take place, sometimes the most notable course of action is withdrawal. Thankfully because of other far more overwhelming factors that is the least challenging issue. Another late night, especially as under the stresses of the week I had not been able to maintain a good sleeping pattern. That night was a good night’s sleep especially having dispatched some important correspondence in the appropriate location.

This is only giving part of an explanation of what I have to say for myself. There is still plenty to share, including more on what the correspondences were all about and where I’ve been in the last week or so, or more accurately how to get a break whether you want one or not. That’s to come in a future blog entry. For the time being. Know that I still love God, I love life, I love people especially my wife. God has been so amazing to me and I’m looking forward to continuing to spend a lifetime of gratitude in going where He wants me to go. Stay tuned for more updates.

For His Name's Sake

Shalom

dmcd

Breaking The Silence - An Opening

Much to say about what’s been going on the interim period – tests, failures, successes, visits, home-stays, books read, bed slept in, boring conferences attended, friends met, friends adored, comedians seen, decisions made, with all kinds of significant implications as a result. Also faced a life-threatening illness, weakening more than any I’ve had before and only just about getting over it. It has really been a manic time with a lot more to be said on the issue. There is a silence to be broken and this note is my expression of gratitude that after so long without putting finger to keyboard even to begin getting the thoughts expressed now I’ve got a chance to begin untapping some of that stuff. So be prepared in the upcoming days to read a bit more into what exactly is up with dmcd.

Welcome to November, people, this here is my month and special for obvious and less obvious reasons. I hope to be present a bit more this month than I was last, but as future comments will outline, don’t be surprised if it proves a challenge. In the meantime as I keep asking, keep praying for your man cd. I love God, I love Jesus, I’m grateful for their Spirit which they’ve poured in my hearts. I love my wife and beautiful children. I love my family and intend to do right by them. It be an interesting road ahead, though – an interesting road in interesting times, indeed. Stay tuned.

For His Name's Sake

Shalom

dmcd